Hello Coach Troy!!

After multiple weeks of inactivity, it's time to get back on the bike. Yep. I mean it this time!

DD and I went to the Cuyahoga Valley Loop yesterday morning to run SAG for the TNT Lake Tahoe team. We finally reached the Valley after a slick, snow covered 45 minute car trip. Our coach was sitting in his warm car wearing jeans and work boots. No ride for the team, no ride for the coach, no SAG for the boopies.

Our partner in TNT crime, Mercedes, was also there, geared up in her running stuff. Who wants to run when it's 22 degrees, windy and snowing sideways? Apparently she did. Lucky for her, we talked her out of it. We greeted several other team members who were crazy enough to show up for the ride...and sent them all home. "Go train inside. Or go take a nap.... " we said.

OK, if it wasn't obvious before, I'll admit, I am no Jill Homer. See her blog. She is a crazy cyclist who loves to ride in horrific conditions. I was pretty sure that DD and I would be training outside this winter but then we foiund the luxury and warmth of doing interval training inside! Yep, climate controlled, no precipitation, no side winds blowing us off the trail.

Don't get me wrong, I am jones-ing to be outside riding. But I am really longing to be outside at a temperature somewhere above freezing. Just call me a candy-ass, because I am.

holy hawaii Batman!

Sales contests are cool. Actually, they're only cool if you win them.

Yep, I am one of the winners of President's Circle 2006. No, I did not have to make it thru 2006 Circles of Hell. No, I didn't have to "do" the President. I just had to sell a lot and at the same time, not lose a lot.

So, what does President's Club entail? 5 days and nites in sunny, beautiful Kauai. No shit, Kauai.
Just one of my top 5 favorite places in the world. So, needless to say, I am pretty wound up about it. We are actually going to stay an extra 2 days... so we can have some fun by ourselves.

Here's the scoop....
When: March 22 thru 29
Where: Princeville Resort, Kauai, Hawaii
Who: Only the cool people
Why: Because I treaded lightly thru at least 5 or 6 Circles of Sales Hell and somehow kept my base of business together

I'll keep you posted on the plans and how it all goes...

One moment please while we process your request

Sorry it's been so long since my last post. Here's what I have been doing....
just have not been really motivated to write.

1. Celebrated Ground Hog's Day with another rousing weekend house party. This time the party was held at Juan and Wilfredo's pad.

2. Participated in a week long send off of one of our close friends. He is moving to N. California to live with his girlfriend.

3. Got a horrendous cold that lasted two weeks.

4. Put a temporary hold on indoor interval training. The cold coupled with a sore, swollen knee has put the kibosh on training for a while.

5. Read 10 or so books, 800 magazines and watched 45 movies.

6. Enjoyed a Friday nite party with Skinny Moo at the fabled Greenville Inn.

Blue Monday

According to Dr Cliff Arnall, today is the most depressing day of the year. Dr. Arnall is a psychologist and former tutor at Cardiff University. Being the little smarty pants that he is, he has used mathematical equations to reach his verdict.

There are many reasons it's supposed to be so blue. First things first, our holiday spending (or credit carding) has probably caught up with us. We still continue to go to work when it's dark and then drive home when it's dark. We've also broken most if not all of our New Year's resolutions. You know what? I don't need no stinkin' mathematical equations to tell me I should be blue today. The reasons above are enough.

But wait, I'm not really blue today. I have a little case of "Damn, it's Monday. I'm having a hard time getting going". But it's certainly not a case of the "knock down-haul me off to bed now" blues.

So, check in with me folks...how is your Blue Monday? Blue? Deep Marine Blue? I can't get out of bed, Midnight Blue?

In the meantime, here's some internet fun to possibly cheer you....

• www.groundhogs.com
• www.hawaii.com
• www.lifehacker.com

Did we really??

OK, another post about bikes. Gets kind of monotonous, huh? Probably almost as "one tracked" as Uncle Crappy with all his Buckeye Goodness.

Anyway, did DrunkDude and I really ride 109 miles in the desert about a month ago? Are you sure? I'm pretty sure too.

Well, we're spinning inside now. We got workout DVD's for Christmas. The photo above is our "coach", Troy. He is absolutely crushing us. We are doing 45 minute sets of intervals every day and are both crippled. As in, "Sweetie, can you give me a hand? I can't freakin' walk!"

I have to lower myself down the stairs at our house. One. Step. At. A. Time. After sitting for a while I have to hoist myself up with my arms and abdominal muscles. That's because my legs give out on me about halfway thru.

All this training goodness is in response to our problems and ridiculous slowness in the hills of Tucson. Really, I'm pretty embarassed by my performance on the ride. Yeah, I know. I know. We rode freakin' 109 miles, in the desert, in the blazing sun, while it was 90 degrees. Still, I pretty much sucked much of that day.

Just can't wait for tomorrow's training tape. It's called Mental Toughness. Yikes. I'll let you know how that goes. That is if my quads don't explode!

Birthday Lovin' Part Deux

DD's Birthday Present: The Best Ever

What: Steelers Game, DD's first one in the new Heinz Field
When: December 24th 1 pm
Who: Stillers vs. Ravens

Details: Tickets bought on Ebay, nose bleed seats behind the team. Not a bad seat in the house. Price included parking pass in the A #1 lot at the field. Schweet.

Other particulars:

• Stillers play just a little bit better than the Browns usually do, but lose the game.
  
• I cheered like a total lunatic for Ben. Even cheered for the Stillers a bit. Mostly because I hate the Ravens.
  
• Were able to buy Penn Pilsner or Yuengling on tap at the bottom of the shoot to our section.
  
• If I decide to buy additional Stillers tickets next season, the thrill will not get old.

full of Christmassy Goodness

err... due to technical difficulties beyond our control, hellpellet is unable to broadcast in the proper "politically correct" fashion today.

Yep, ladies and gentlemen, it's Christmas. What? A Christmas Tree? Christmas Presents? Christmas Cookies? Christmas Cards? Christmas Carols?

Nope, no "holidays" here. No holiday tree, no holiday vacation. Christmas. Santa Claus. Away in a Manger. All that Christmassy Goodness.

Why the rant? I got my first E-card today that didn't even stoop to a "Happy Holidays" or even "Seasons Greetings". It said "Have a great Winter Season!"

Even worse, it came from someone in California, where it is usually never winter. Or at least it's not a real winter. Is the "Winter Season Card" person taunting us for having winter in the Midwest? Or are they just dropping the PC Christmas handle of the year on us? Is it a holiday tree? Or is it just a Winter Tree?

Maybe we should just stick with the tried and true complete scouring and bleaching of any holiday or celebration: Festivus.

Happy Frickin' Festivus!!

I'm down with that. How 'bout you?

Small print: No animals, Santa Clauses or elves or even Babes in a Manger were harmed in the posting of this blog. Only recycled materials were used in the manufacture and mailing of this Season's Holiday Cards.

Some Birthday Lovin'

DD's birthday is Dec. 20th. I know he hates that it is so close to Christmas. He got his first Birthday/Christmas card today. He cringed.

I am really excited about what I got him for his birthday. So excited in fact that I am ready to give him his gift today.

I'll wait though. And will let you know how it goes and if he really likes his gift.

consumed by the evil blog

Struck by what my husband uttered today, I have fianlly decided to post. He said, and I quote, "Sometimes I find myself getting sucked in to some inane topic on the internet. I stop myself and wonder why I am wasting my time. Why am I not creating something of my own?"

Point well taken.

This past month is a combination of slogging thru work tasks, selling stuff and consuming a bunch of crap from the internet. Or as I've heard it called, "the inner nets". Nope, the crap of which I speak doesn't include the latest updates from my blog pals. John or Jill or Mrs. Kennedy. Yeah, you'd think I am personal friends with these people. How about Penny Pressed? Or Wendy McClure. Big Johnny at DrunkCyclist? Nope, I just lurk at their blogs. Occasionally I'll comment. I also surf people I actually know: Uncle Crappy and... Umm, well, you know, people I actually know, umm, they are....

OK, OK, I don't really know any of the people I read except Uncle Crappy.

The crap of which I speak is those crazy celebrity blogs. Yep. I can't get enough of Lindsey Lohan, Matthew McConnaughey and Kate Moss and her horrible crack head, smack head BF. I thought I was even ready for a Britney Spears come back. But in 10 short days I've already seen more, much more of Brit Brit than I ever needed or wanted. No come back for you, Brit. Sorry, girlfriend.

Another dirty little secret of mine. I have a really stupid, unfulfilling MySpace page. What is that you say? A MySpace page? What? Is hellpellet 25 and trolling for some internet strange?
Nope. I'm not. Ask Uncle Crappy. (he's perhaps my only internet friend who can truly vouch for me) I am a leetle bit older than 25 and am not trolling for any kind of weird internet "social" activities.

Why MySpace? I thought it would be fun. It is really just pretty lame. See note at Fashionable Chaos. I am totally on board with Penny's comments. Look at me referencing my "friend" at her blog. I have totally lost my mind.

I troll MySpace looking at horrible spelling errors, stupid animated gif's, and listening to music.

Wait! Listening to music? That's something worthwhile. Yep, that's exactly what I do on MySpace. That's all I ever do there. That explains it perfectly.

Me 'n My Uncle

Anticipating the snowfall this friday, or more likely the slushfall, I am pining away to live in Arizona. We just arrived home and I am ready for it to be unbearably shitty, grey and winterlike in Cleveland. Yep, ready for winter to start now and be like a thorn in my side until at least the end of March. Then I expect a huge, freak blizzard in April.

We really loved Tucson. It is a little bit more manageable than the sprawling metropolis of Phoenix. I also like the food better. I even like the route we took on the ride. Luckily I am not stupid enough to ever try to do that ride in its entirety until another Tour de Tucson.

****As a side note, I started this post at the end of November. It's now December 17th. We have had a few inches of snow and one blizzard since then. This is an acceptable amount of snow. But I am still pining away. sniff, sniff, snurff. I love Arizona.

To do list, El Tour de Tucson 2007

Continuous improvement is our goal here at Hellpellet Intl.
So here's a list for next year's ride.

• Buy and use a Camelback We had planned to stop 4 times, but ended up stopping 10 times to get water and Gatorade
  
• Train on more hilly courses
• Gain higher levels of endurance
  
• Take peyote at mile 30. Hell, we're in the desert, right? Redose at mile 80. That should pretty much cover us.
  
• Finish in less than 8 hours.
• Don't forget to take Kewyson's cell phone number. Sorry we didn't hook up in Tucson.
• Don't get 2 flat tires on the course. That plus 10 other stops = way too much course time.
• Take lots of photos. Most of the time it's about the journey, not about the finish.

El Tour es Finito

Hey guys, I have a great idea. Lets go on a 109 mile bike ride....in the desert...in 90 degree heat. Awesome, why not?

It was a beautiful day in Tucson. Completely clear, blue skies. Crisp in the morning and blazing hot by 11 am. Overall, the ride was really hard, probably much harder than I thought. Luckily I was somewhat delirious between mile 50 and 87, so I didn't notice it much.

I've never participated in such a huge athletic event. There were 8000 participants of which around 5000 started the 109 mile ride. The rest all completed shorter races, either 30, 50 or 80 miles. There was a mass start at 7 am and we were about half way back in the pack. The first 30 miles were pretty much smooth and easy. Except DD's flat tire. Our other cycling partner noticed DD was gone. I ended up turning around and riding a mile to find him.

Next was a series of rolling, uphill bumps in the road. The first part was pretty steep and I pretty much hosed my legs for about 20 minutes. So I rested a bit in the miniscule shade provided by a cactus. (see photo, next post) There is always a good for every bad, or in this case a down for every up. We raced down a series of rolling hills on Freeman Road for 2 or 3 miles, sometimes hitting 39 miles an hour! What a huge reward for my blown out muscles.

The real fun was yet to come. We had to cart our bikes over a half mile of wash right near the Canyon Ranch. It was just starting to get really hot. We knew we had a really steep uphill to get out of the canyon, and as luck had it, we also had about 8 miles of uphill through the foothills of the Catalina Mountains. Somehow we did it all, I think this is where the hallucinations set in at first.

Lucky SAG stop at mile 56. It was our non-riders from Team in Training. They had PB &J, pretzels and cookies. If they hadn't been there, I would have done "ride through" at Pollo Loco or Karl's Junior. I was just that hungry.

We still had another series of climbs and many miles to go. This series would end up equalling about another 10 miles of nearly all uphill combined with just enough flats to catch a breath or two. Somehow we did it. As I said, I'd gone a little loco. Which in hindsite was a very good thing.

Jump to the last stop at 87 miles. Somehow the rest of the team caught up with us. That would be 4 more of us. Our coach said, "You know, if we want to finish this, we better really hit it."

DD, Kate and I took off like the devil was chasing us. We averaged 16 mph over the next 22 miles. (up until then our average was around 12 mph) We went flying around some really kooky looking mountains then down Silverbell Road, which was 10 final miles of "homestretch". Right about then we had to turn on our "running" lights, because it was now completely dark. Yep, dark, as in really super dark in the desert kind of thing. We were able to follow along our 2 foot diameter pools of light. You know how you're not supposed to outpace your headlights? We were!

Finally we lurch around the last bend of Silverbell to Congress. We see a mass of flashing lights, street lights and magical fire engines. We know it's finally the finish. Our entire team, who handily kicked our asses, was waiting at the finish to cheer us on. So was my cousin and her 2 year old son. We rode to finish and we did. We rode to survive in the desert and we did. We rode to raise at least $7000 for Team in Training and we did.

to do list

To Do List:
_X__ Raise $7000 for Team in Training
_X__ Schedule time off over Thanksgiving Weekend
_X__ Reserve hotel rooms in Arizona
_X__ Buy AZ/DC shirt (see www.drunkcyclist.com)
___ Get cash donation from Juan
___ Pack bikes in huge truck
___ Complete a few more short rides on Mountain Bike
___ Leave for Arizona on Nov. 16th
___ Complete the 111 mile El Tour de Tucson


So far I'm about half way through the final list in preparation for our ride. My cousin, who could be flipping her lid, sent me a two page, funny poem about our ride in two weeks. I might flip my lid over the next two weeks.

Last year I was OK, mostly because I had no idea what to expect. This year I know I can do the ride, physically. I am not so sure I can do it mentally. Really. Cold feet I guess. Iknow I will be able to work out the kinks in the first 15 to 20 miles. We'll see how it goes.

on the road again

We're off to Niagara Falls this weekend. We're even taking the bikes. We've talked about taking the bikes for years now. A nice long ride down the Niagara River is exactly what the doctor ordered.

Oh, and a little more r & r too. You can really never go to resort-type areas too much. We are staying in a very nice, new hotel. It is about 2 or 3 blocks from the Casino and it has great views of the Falls. I love to see the Falls at night. Very cool. The hotel is a kind of Arts and Crafts design. Well, the lobby and public areas are very, very Arts and Crafts mixed with little bit of modern. It is comfortable and still very elegant at the same time.

I can't wait to crack open a couple of bottles of cold Canadian beer. Like I said, it's just what the doctor ordered.

lots of fundraising, not much cycling

Went to a fundraising party for a teamate last weekend. Gave her $50 plus some raffle ticket money. My gal, KSS, had a fundraising party two days ago. We raised about $250 in profits for the cause.

It's weird. This flurry of fundraising but no cycling to speak of. DD and I have both hit our 100% mark. We actually intend to raise $1000 more, just for giggles.

We had a bye weekend the last weekend of October and should have ridden anyway. We didn't.

I caught a cold on Friday, felt like utter shit Saturday and Sunday. No ridey this weekend. Just sleep and some painting. No ride tonite, the cold has migrated to my lungs. I break a sweat just thinking about going up the stairs.

I feel like I've lost something. I feel like we might not actually do the ride b/c we haven't ridden in almost 3 weeks. What is wrong with us??? Where am i?

the results are in....

left to right, "bad knee", normal knee

Notice the slight scarring on the right knee. Now I have a matched set! Results not typical, 12oo calorie daily diet and moderate exercise must be incorporated to see similar results.

• Liberal amounts of hydrogen peroxide, 75 cents
• One quarter tube polysporin, $1.25
• One container Nuprin medicated pain patches, $6.69

Two trips to the chiropractor: Priceless!

It's all good now. I even swept out the cobwebs and spooks last night with a ten mile ride. And I did a big old hill. Gotta get right back in the saddle or you never will!

(this is nothing compared to Big Jonny from on drunk cyclist, I am just a dumb ass. http://www.drunkcyclist.com see post on August 7 and August 9th 2006 for the details.
Makes me sound like a real whiner....)

bit it

Here is one of the final products of our ride on Saturday. It was a 50-miler that almost killed both of us.

The ride is pretty scenic, rolling through country estates, big horse farms and even past an alpaca farm and a poodle kennel. What do you get when you breed a poodle and an alpaca? DD says it's a Poodl-Aca. I call it a Poodl-Paca.

After our last sanctioned stop to get water and more calories, we headed up a pretty wicked country road type hill. Five of us were all in a little line about 25 feet apart. I was last, Nicole was next, then Debbie. The hill was short but pretty steep. I ground it out as long as I could, unhooked my right foot and put it on the ground. Feeling pretty defeated, I looked ahead and saw Nicole and Debbie do the exact same thing. We all finished that hill by walking our bikes!

Now we've moved on to the really fun stuff. Another country road type hill, this time it has lots of tar and gravel mixed with tar. I am one gear from the Granniest of all Granny Gears. I'm moving along pretty slowly now....need to shift down one more.....I do so. Something gets jammed or stops and I flop to my right, still attached to my clipless pedals. I have unceremoniously dumped myself into the country ditch. The Ditch full of cinders, gravel and weeds. Many of those cinders wound up in my knee.

Somehow I found this funny. I started to cackle and then went on to a full belly laugh. You gotta love going "yard sale" when you really have no control over it. DD was 25 yards ahead and thought I was crying or sobbing. I quickly had to yell that I was ok, so he didn't have a heart attack.

I cleaned up and hopped back on my bike.

Next hill. Oohhh, this one was bad. I made it about a third of the way up. Well, a third of the part that I could see. It disappeared into the trees after a couple hundred feet. Little did any of us know it would be several hills, all up, all steep for what seemed like miles. It was probably only a mile...

I finally had to stop and rest. I waited for DD to catch up. We took off together. I clipped in on my right foot, couldn't clip in on my left to get myself going and fell into the ditch again. This time it was a deep ditch, so I fell on my side and then rolled over and pogo'd on my head. My free foot was up in the air tangled in my bike and I was crushed underneath. This time I didn't laugh, I just sat up in the ditch and wondered what the hell happened.

The recovery was a little longer on this one. So far it's lasted about 3 days! I rode about another mile downhill while totally freaking out. I called for SAG to cart me back to the starting point. I'd had enough! Take me home now.....

update on my liver

Not really drying out. At least not completely. Just kind of rolling drinking into 1 or maybe 2 nites per week, so far.

Friday after making statement about not drinking.....drunk again.

Next friday....same thing, only worse. Drinking for 7 hours straight and not being in Las Vegas. Not good.

Next Tuesday. Three martinis with dinner.

Hi, my name is Hpellet, I am an alcoholic. Welcome to my world.

no excuses now

Well, after riding solidly in the B Group on our last team ride, I am ready to give up the ghost. I was chatting with our coach while grinding up another hill. I told him I thought I was ready to graduate to "clipless pedals" He said, and I quote, "I used every excuse I had, then I got an all carbon bike. No excuses now, I just have to ride faster"

Oh shit. I was thinking I would be more efficient and maybe even a little faster with the addition of clipless pedals. You know, my coach somehow just managed to sound exactly like my sales director. Just ride faster. Come out and win or don't come out at all. Git er done. Or really, anything else like those quick, quippy comments. Shit. I'm accountable. Really. 80th percentile don't get it done. Even 90th percentile. Fuck it, I'm screwed. I just need to get out and fucking do it.

Nike says (or said) Just do it. Fuck me. I'll just do it.
Bike Riding(Lance) Golf(Tiger Woods) Baseball (Mets, Yankees, Detroit)

God help us all.

nope

A few posts back I commented on being in the A Group on a long ride.
Do I cut it? Or am I a poseur?

Mostly I am B Group material. We did a 42 mile ride yesterday that made me want to quit 10 minutes into it. It was hilly, then rolly, then really hilly, then more hills on top of that. I finished though. Total B Group fashion. The saving grace is that by constant repetition of hills, I learned how to do them more efficiently. (and with a lot less pain) I'll continue to work on the technique and also think about going a little faster. (10 mph is pretty demoralizing.)

I'm actually committing to a better diet and way less alcohol so the training goes a little easier. Maybe I'll even lose a little bit of my beer belly. The final goal is to kick some ass on the fundraising ride in Tucson. What? Less drinking??? Ya'll better sit down....I've decided to hang out my liver for a while.